Paarth Madan

A medium to iterate on my own thoughts.

A Late Night Drive

Posted at — Jan 7, 2021

It was a late night.

I felt like blowing off some steam, so I went for a drive.

I turned up the music and my voice accompanied the songs – the perfect duet. I was singing my favourite songs for the first few hours, as I forgot about the very world I was driving through.

I picked a single back road and proceeded into the Northern darkness.

The nightfall was overbearing, and the back road wasn’t lit.

I was driving into a void.

Initially, I wasn’t alarmed by the darkness, but it deceived me.

Dark Road

Soon, all I saw was black.

The entire road had turned black.
That is until I opened my eyes.

I lost track of time and how long I drove for.

I saw darkness for a brief second. I woke up, jolted by my surroundings. My eyes felt heavy, and the lids slowly shut over as I continued driving straight.

I immediately pulled over. I was shocked and disappointed in myself.

I wasn’t quite sure what to do, so I collected myself as I realized what had just happened.

I deliberated on the various options I had.

  1. Continue driving.
  2. Park on the side of the road, and get some sleep.
  3. Call someone to help me stay alert.

It was beyond irresponsible for me to continue driving, so I didn’t.

I considered taking a quick nap, but I didn’t feel safe.

What didn’t I feel safe about, you ask?

To sleep in my car.

To sleep in my car on the side of the road.

To sleep in my car on the side of the road in the middle of literally nowhere.

To my dismay, I concluded I would have to call someone.

I perused through my contacts, started at the top, and made my way down. It was pretty late, so none of my immediate family would be up and available to call.

As I read the names of people, I started to feel the pressure. I felt the burden of calling someone so late – for an entirely selfish reason.

I couldn’t do it. But I had to, for my own safety – and potentially someone else’s.

I pepped myself up and said,

“It’s okay. I’m sure they’d be happy to help”,

as I messaged two friends that I know would be up.

I got a response back and called that person immediately.

The call was helpful.

I explained the situation, and the friend was happy to talk to me to ensure I don’t fall asleep.

Only after engaging in the conversation did I come to my senses and realize just how tired I was prior.

As we exchanged back and forth, my tiredness escaped me.

Soon after, we added the 3rd friend to the call.

Suddenly my call for help became a call for fun.

I still feel the burden of relying so heavily on someone else. I put myself in a dangerous situation and couldn’t get out of it alone.

I’m disappointed in myself, but I’m grateful for the night that unfolded.

I’m grateful for my friends.

I’ve taken my friends for granted in the past, prioritizing them under other people and things.

This night solidified the importance of having people I can trust and reach out to without feeling bad.

I felt ashamed and burdened to call – but perhaps that’s because I haven’t been good at reciprocating friendship.

That’s something I’ll work on.

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