Paarth Madan

A medium to iterate on my own thoughts.

I Don't Know

Posted at — Apr 29, 2022

This is part of the grateful series.

I’ve been faced with the problem of writing publicly more than ever before.

I asked myself why.

I thought, “What’s the reason you’re having a difficult time writing?”. I converged on a few reasons.

  1. Privacy

Lately, to protect my privacy, I’ve felt the need to inject a step of friction before publishing a post. This seems reasonable, but it wasn’t always the case. Before, I’d have a thought, an experience, an emotional insight, a reflection, and then immediately explore this in a post and publish it. No drafts, no revisions, just write and publish.

I’ve intentionally moved away from this strategy, but this newly introduced friction has thwarted many creative sparks.

In a sense, I’ve violated my own privacy with this blog. I’m conflicted at times with what I should and shouldn’t share; I’ve used my blog as a few different things over time, but perhaps introducing scope and creating some concrete boundaries will be beneficial. Or maybe not—as the title suggests, I don’t know.

  1. Asymmetry

An interesting reason I’ve stopped sharing as much is the asymmetry of knowledge that can exist in my interactions with people. People can get a sense of how I think, what I value, my past experiences, and my future aspirations before I even learn their name.

I’ve been viewing this as disadvantageous because it places me in a position of weakness; I can be more easily manipulated. Looking more closely, I think there’s a more pressing advantage. My blog is the most accurate social profile I have. If someone chooses to interact with me having understood what I value, it serves as a strong first filter.

The solution, I remind myself, is to simply write with courage. I don’t really care who reads my posts and what they think.

Ironically, and above all, I wanted to express gratitude for my slump—it did give me something to write about, after all.

Authored on: November 21st, 2021

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